Some things I recommend and stuff

I am still sick. It is now day number five and I am finally on the upswing, after trying to be productive whilst simultaneously dying over the last few days. The most frustrating/uncomfortable side effect of this illness has been an asthmatic cough that seems to be infinite in its duration and ability to make me miserable.

In my illness I have managed to do a lot of web surfing and tv watching, during which I have stumbled upon some of the following delights:

http://www.xtranormal.com -- You get to make your own movies. So far I have made weird existential French films set in a Japanese rose garden and an English gangster film set in a playground.

Blogs: I highly recommend reading Julie Klausner's yearend wrapup blog. Julie is acerbic and hilarious, and will make you see the truth about Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP website, Jackie Mason, and sharks.

http://www.orisinal.com: Games! I used to play these all the time, but forgot about it with the advent of the time sucking Facebook apps such as Scramble and now defunct Scrabulous. These are simple and beautiful and nicely diverting.

I know at least 6 people in this movie. Rob Huebel, one of the aformentioned 6 people, says the screening he saw was hilarious. SUCCESS:




I also watched a lot of horrible TV/films and can say unequivocally that The Brothers McMullen is an unwatchable sloppily written terribly acted (with the exception of Connie Britton who manages to make the wooden dialogue sound sortuv realistic) mess of a film and the fact that this launched the career of Ed Burns is completely mystifying to me.

Illness

I have had a wicked cold for 3 days. I seem to remember a time when a bad cold didn't make me want to die and crawl into bed but that seems to be the case these days. The fun of getting older. When I get sick I throw out my normal productive checklist and use my alternate only-when-I-am-sick checklist:

-Sleep
-Watch E! - show about 25 hottest Cougars in Hollywood
-Make Soup
-Take Dayquil
-Sleep
-Watch MTV's Hills Wrapup Show
-Take Zinc Lozenge-
-Make grilled cheese sandwich
-Watch E! True Hollywood Stories: Serial Killers
-Make Mac and Cheese
-Watch 27 Dresses on HBO
-Sleep

For some reason illness, starch, and bad movies and tabloid TV go hand in hand.

Bipartisan Comedy

I was just having a convo with a friend about how this year's election really reinvigorated the comedy scene -- comedy became relevant again and it's the first time my parents actually were impressed by who I work with and what I and my frineds do (My mom finally understood who Amy Poheler was when Hillary Clinton went on SNL).

Besides the obvious examples, my friends Seth and Chad made a series on Funny or Die that I watched about 200 times. It's pretty much my favorite thing ever-- hilarious and clever, and makes a great point without being preachy. The first episode of the series still holds up post-election, so if you haven't seen it already, click below:

McCain's Roommates - watch more funny videos

A tidbit

I am in the midst of the hazy malaise/crippling depression that the impending New Year generally brings (at least to me), so I have avoided posting here so as to save you all from self-indulgent heartache-y posts.
Instead I will leave you with this.

When I was in Paris, I went to a restaurant, clearly aimed at tourists, as it had English translation written underneath each dish. My favorite entry was the following, under appetizers:

Crudites
(a collection of crudenesses)

I don't think that word means what those people think it means.

Would it be inappropriate if I...

....went up to the mother of the three children that are currently behind me in a coffee shop in Park Slope who are running in circles and screaming their heads off, oblivious to the glaring barely disguised vitriol of all the laptop-toting adults, and told her she was raising her children to be assholes? Just hypothetically.

This is a post where I complain about things

Don't say I didn't warn you people. It's right there in the title. I am cranky.

First of all. Holy shit it's fucking freezing outside. What the fuck?? I left my underheated home to go write in a coffee shop and the coffee shop is freezing. There is no escape. Fuck this bullshit.
I have noticed that there is a direct correlation between the drop in temperature and the rise in my expletive-usage. Fuck you cold weather.

Also, on Firefox my blog appears to be somewhat unreadable. These weird grey boxes appear over part of my text. It only happens in Firefox, and it's fine on other browsers. Anyone know why this is? If you do, please email me or send me a telgram or something. It probably has something to do with the fact that my computer is an antiquated piece of tin held together by duct tape that I suspect is operated by a little mouse running on a wheel.

My house is a mess. Another result of the cold. I pretty much end up under the covers if I stay home, which means the mountains of dirty clothes and paper/junk mail/old cereal boxes are simply left to pile up as I slowly shiver myself to death.

What a whiny post. I will shut up now.

Paris

As mentioned in my previous post I recently returned from Paris. I haven't been there since I was a kid and I loved it.

I noted to a friend of mine that the cool thing about Paris is that it looks exactly the way it does in the movies. As opposed to NYC. New York is often shot in a splendorous-sunsetting-fall-foliage-Upper West Side/Greenwich Village-Sex-in-the-City-only-rich people-see-the-city-this-way-haze that bares only a passing resemblance to the New York I actually live in.

But the incredibly beautiful Parisian streets, French door/iron-balconied windows, boulangerie/cafe-filled streets that you see in movies actually exists. Everywhere. It is stunning.

Other things I noticed about Paris:

-People LOVE small dogs there.

-If French is spoken correctly it sounds like you are singing.

-The French apparently love old crappy American television shows, like Hunter and Simon & Simon, which are dubbed into French and run seemingly 24 hours per day. (They also have The Simpsons dubbed into French with actors that sound exactly like the American version).

-I saw a bar where you could buy 10 shots of absinthe for 30 Euros.

-At a cafe the average cost of a pint of beer was 10 euros. I did not drink a lot of beer.

-Every supermarket has a huge wine selection much of which costs only 2 euros. This made up for the beer thing.

-Many businesses close from 2 or 3pm until 5:30pm. I think this is cool.

-I went to Bon Marche which has an epic food hall. It's like Zabar's meets Whole Foods meets .... a lot of French people. I can't tell if it's cool or unbelievably sad that I spent like 5 hours wandering around looking at food.

-I am training for a marathon so had to run a lot while I was there. It's easier to run 9 miles when you get to run past Notre Dame, the Louvre, and the Eiffel Tower as you run along the Left Bank of the Seine.

-I went to the Paris Menagerie (zoo) on my last day there. Zoos are awesome no matter where you are.

-Homeless people are given huge comforters each night so they can sleep on the street in comfort.

-Buskers on the subway play accordion and violin and everyone gives them change.

Ah, Paris. So civilized.

Kazoo Love

A while ago me and my good friend Chuck D found this amazing kazoo rendition of "Whole Lotta Love" online. I highly recommend listening to this. It sounds like a mix of Led Zeppelin and chickens dying. Listen to the whole thing...it's a real lesson in heightening and will make you laugh. Or cry. Or something.

The first 20-30 seconds are garbled introductions, don't get discouraged.



Due to its sreechy-dying-animal-quality this might be NSFW if you work in a quiet or uptight office.

Holy Merde

I just returned from ten days in Paris. It was awesome. The French have exquisite taste and style: amazing food, fabulous wine, beautiful clothes and architecture.

However French sophistication stops short at their love for truly, truly terrible comedy. If someone is making hilarious faces and funny voices, the French will love it.

I saw posters for the movie "Agathe Clery" all over Paris, trailer below. As with most French comedy, you don't need to understand French to get the gist.



There is nothing more hilarious than racism and modern-day black face. Leave it to the French to remake Soul Man in 2008.